I Remember...

I remember Sesame Street and learning numbers and words and feeling like furry monsters were friendly and loving and being messy was OK.  I remember wanting a large plastic pony on which I could sit and pretend, and screamed when it appeared on Christmas morning, hidden under a Batik blanket.  I remember squeezing in between my sleepy parents and their tray of coffee and steamed milk on Saturday mornings and re-telling dreams I had had the night prior to which they patiently listened.  I remember my dad as my “fairy godmother” who drifted into my room  once a week , his head and body draped in a  white silky comforter, his feminized high pitched voice asking me what I wanted.  I remember chicken and soy sauced-peppers and onions over rice as my favorite meal, gobbling it down so I could have seconds. I remember dancing into the kitchen begging my mom to feed me spaghetti noodles from her hands like a bird feeding worms to its babies.   I remember putting paper outfits on paper dolls, watching them transform from girl with bloomers and camisole to princess, to tennis player, to Joan of Arc.  I remember coloring in figures from my Women in History Coloring Book and thinking that Amelia Earhart wasn’t as pretty as I wanted her to be.  I remember playing monopoly with my brother for hours on one Christmas eve, hoping that the Top Hat might speed the night along.  I remember treasure hunts with obscure clues on my birthday,  and discovering a vat of gifts in the laundry basket, the dryer, the bath tub, under the bed. -- Oh! The thrill of youth.  The wonder, the fun, the lack of responsibility, the simplicity of a dandelion.   

Letter From Blitzen

Dear Prancer,

Hey  you kooky Caribou!  How goes it?  Me  and the gang sure miss you, especially at this season.  It’s just not the same without you.  Yup, it's that time of year again when we get the goddamned reigns strapped to  our haunches and have to drag about 3000 friggin tons of toys clear across the world in 12 hours.  Can you believe we are still doing this shit?  Hey, you gotta be happy for a job, especially in this economy.  Plus, I’m super grateful for the health benefits.    The herd has been in and out of Santaland Clinic a lot this year.    Dasher had a herniated disc,  Cupid got parasites  and Rudolph has gone in for 2 colonoscopies.   Turns out everyone here, including the Clauses,  is Vitamin D deficient!

The Flu Ate My Yoga Mat

Originally written in 2004. Re-edited 2011


December. I am home sick with the flu. My delusions of being impervious to all ailments have been realized. It must have been Mario, my salsa partner from Monday night; he was sweating a lot and looked kind of pale. I’m pretty sure I have a fever since I have chills, a fiery exhale, and dreamt last night that I gave birth to a moth. I am determined to fight it off using holistic practices only. The “self healing” class I took last month convinced me that any cold or flu remedy purchased from a mainstream drugstore will result in infertility or at least a bad rash. I begin to consume buckets of homemade ginger tea and Echinacea and take a hot bath with baking soda, Epson salts and three different essential oils I found while rummaging under the sink. I have no idea what purpose they serve but I read somewhere that they have some sort of magical power to cure so I pour away. An hour later, I am still sweaty, achy and have peed 6 times.

Letter From Blitzen

Dear Prancer,


Hey you kooky Caribou! How goes it? Me and the gang sure miss you, especially at this season. It’s just not the same without you. Yup, it's that time of year again when we get the goddammned reigns strapped to our haunches and have to drag about 3000 friggin tons of toys clear across the world in 12 hours. Can you believe we are still doing this shit? Hey, you gotta be happy for a job, especially in this economy. Plus, I’m super grateful for the health benefits. The herd has been in and out of Santaland Clinic a lot this year. Dasher had a herniated disc, Cupid got parasites and Rudolph has gone in for 2 colonoscopies. Turns out everyone here, including the Clauses, is Vitamin D deficient!