Doritos for Diabetics

(Written in 2007)

I have become a penguin.  I have turned into a bird that cannot fly.  My legs are covered in black polyester that bunches around my hip area, giving me pouches where pouches do not exist.  This is matched by the oversized black polyester vest that hides any hint of my breasts which are also covered by the standardly uncreative pleated tuxedo shirt.  The top button is sealed not with a bow tie but with a $5 plastic circular black clip that shouts “I am closing the shirt of someone who could be male or female.” And “I may not be as fancy as a bowtie, but I still give this cheap tuxedo an edge of shiny classiness.”  I hate this outfit. More than that, I hate the job that requires me to wear it.  

We are called “Dietary Ambassadors” of Hillcrest ( not its real name )  Hospital.  We are not ambassadors.  We are servers.