Extreme Peanut Butter - Like Nothing You've Ever Had Before.

Introducing…Extreme Peanut Butter.  Yes, folks, this is not your average peanut butter, this is EXTREME peanut butter.  It not only sticks to the roof of your mouth but it actually attaches your tongue to your cleft and keeps it there for at least 17 minutes.  That’s right, this peanut butter is so peanut buttery that it will cause a piece of you to stick to another piece of you.    This will slow down your eating process and allow you to keep the taste of peanut butter on your palate for a longer than usual peanut butter experience! That is extreme.

Our peanut butter is so smooth and creamy that  it will actually MELT the knife with which you are spreading it.  Make no mistake, the more you spread, the quicker your knife will dissolve.  If you like the chunky version, we have that too.  But be prepared. The chunks are more than just simple chunks.  They are actually petrified pieces of peanuts that have been around for over 160 years and they will satisfy that need for crunch and chunk that you long for on certain days.  That is extreme.   

And the way our peanut butter meshes with jam? Well, you may not even want to stick around.  This peanut butter essentially is the one and true soul mate of all jams, jellies and marmalades.  It will start to make love to any jam that you may put on a slice of bread, be it baguette or 12 grain.  You did not just mis-read that last sentence. The jam and the peanut butter will begin copulating on your Orowheat right in front of you without any inhibitions.  It might make you uncomfortable at first but it is an amazing site to see.  That is extreme!

Lastly, our peanut butter can read.  It’s true, folks!  Our peanut butter is able to read books and magazines.  This was not planned, but just simply came about during our manufacturing process.  One day in the processing plant, we found our peanut butter reading its label aloud and we knew we had something special.   Bring your peanut butter on short or long road trips with your children and have it read them stories in the back of the car so you and your partner can have a conversation.   When they tire of hearing it read to them, you can invite them to eat it, which will also keep them silent for at least another 17 minutes (see above).  That is not only extreme, it is miraculous.   


Avocado and Walnut Duke it Out.

I was at the sink doing dishes when I overheard Avocado and Walnut at it again.

“Everyone’s talking about me,” said Avocado.  “Haven’t you seen the ads?  The signs? I’m heart healthy. “

“Well, so am I”, preached Walnut. “I have a “board” that is working for me.  That’s right, The Walnut Board of California. They’ve got materials that they even mail out to people.”

“That’s not that big of a deal,” snapped Avocado. “We all have one of those. Ever hear of the California Avocado Commission? They are all about ME.  I’m also being represented by the Haas Avocado Board.”

“Well, have you seen the articles featuring me?”  asked Walnut.  “I’ve been mentioned in numerous science journals  claiming that not only am I the richest nut source of Omega 3’s which help high blood pressure, but that eating me regularly helps with weight loss because of my healthy fats.”

“That’s great, fatty!  Avocado said. “You can pretty much say the same thing about me, you know.  I believe I have a few more monounsaturated fats that you do.  Plus you can easily add me to a sandwich or use me in place of mayonnaise.”

“So what,” said Walnut. “Can you get sprinkled on top of oatmeal in the morning or baked into a cookie?”

“As a matter of fact,” said Avocado, “Some folks just started replacing the butter in cookies with me. Um, have you ever heard of vegans?  So, yes, I make it into cookies periodically too.  I don’t believe I’ve ever seen YOU in a taco.

“Depends on who is making the taco, buddy,”  snipped Walnut.  “Have you heard of raw foodists?  Sometimes, they replace the meaty meat in the tacos with yours truly and I get to enjoy the ride in a soft tortilla surrounded by that fabulous Pico de Gallo.”

“Oh, Pico and I hang out like every day,” bragged Avocado. “We’re practically living together!  And, you know who talks about eating me a lot? Julia Roberts.  Someone pinned one of her breakfasts and it included moi.”

“Big deal!” shouted Walnut. ”I have a theatre company named after me.  The Walnut Street Theatre.”

“That’s because there is a street name Walnut Street where the theatre is located!” screeched Avocado.

“Well, I don’t see any Avocado Streets or Avenues,”  harrumphed Walnut.

“For your information, there’s one in California. Get around much?” said Avocado.

“Ha ha,” smirked Walnut.  “I get around a LOT. I’ve got a Street in Philly, and an Avenue in Seattle!”

“It’s just a matter of time before I’m seen on more street names,” Avocado scoffed. “Pretty soon they’ll start realizing that food and specifically fruit has more power than dead white presidents and mayors.”

“I don’t want to lord this over you too much,” yipped Walnut, “But there are more than just streets and avenues named in my honor. There are places; Walnut Creek, Walnut Grove, Walnut City.”

“Um, I have a “heights” named after me, ok?” said Avocado. “Avocado Heights.”

“Well,” said Walnut. “According to Google maps it’s only 2.84 miles. Walnut Creek is 19.77.”
Avocado paused, fuming. “Ok, let’s switch from outside to inside.  I hear you’re associated with a lot of allergies.”

“So what!” said Walnut.  “I’m a tree nut, it’s going to happen.”

“Well,” said Avocado. “I’d say a pretty small percentage of the population is allergic or ‘sensitive” to me.”  

“I bet they will be once they start genetically modifying you!” Walnut jeered.

“They wouldn’t dare!” cried Avocado.

I had had just about enough of this bickering. 

“Stop it, you two!” I yelled.  “You’re both fantastic!” 

“But…” They each protested.

“Enough!” I roared. “It’s time you two started getting along.”

They each fell silent. I pulled out a cookbook and turned to page 242 and recited the recipe title aloud: “Avocado Cheesecake with  Walnut Crust.”

Avocado and Walnut both gasped.

“You two are going to work as a team,” I said.  “None of this ‘I’m better than you are’ and ‘There’s a town named after me’ stuff.”

Lime and Coconut Oil, who had been listening in said, “Uh, we’d like to help.  Is there a place for us in this recipe?”

I smiled. “Of course, there is. You two are going to help bring it all together.” 

I grabbed the cutting board and a bowl and the union began.