1/14/17

31 Day Writing Daily Challenge Blog Post #4 - Zucchini is Gross


Food Writing Prompt: Gross!
 Write about a gross food that you had to hold your breath to try to choke down your throat. Detail the setting and add as many of the five senses as possible in your description



There were nights in my childhood when the oh, so slimy zucchini, upon orders from my mother, had to make its way off my plate and down my throat before I could leave the table. I would stare at it on the plate:  glistening with Mazola, the yellowy-white mush peeking out of faded green skin.  I usually waited until the very last minute of the meal, and then, breath and nose held, shoved it into my mouth, swept up my glass of milk to provide extra accompaniment on the journey to my stomach,  took 3 bites and swallowed.  Clean plate. Permission to exit from the dining room granted.

People claim it doesn’t have much taste. Oh,I  beg to differ!  (Why beg?  I don’t need to do that, I can simply differ.) It has a pungent tastelessness that is easily recognizable to my palate.  And its texture, when cooked to an extreme is like the stuff that you swallow after sniffing the contents of your sinuses back to your throat.  Truly awful.  I adore vegetables, but I cannot stand to eat cooked zucchini.  I may tolerate it in a flavorful soup when joined by enough veggie friends that it gets lost in the crowd, but I’ll be honest:  I cringe when I see it.  

When a waiter proudly presents the seasonal side order of vegetables: a "zucchini medley".  God help me.   Who on earth wants a zucchini medley?  Why would I want a medley of zucchini? I don’t even want a slice of zucchini!  It’s a pity since  zucchini’s are healthy, yes,healthy!  And moreover they are the rabbits of the vegetable world.  You can rely on zucchini to multiply a plenty.  No concern that there won’t be enough of a zucchini harvest. People are getting rid of the stuff – leaving it on peoples’ doorsteps and then running away.  (I wonder if some feel like I do, but the need to celebrate the prolific nature of this summer squash.) What? Another one just popped out of the garden?  And it’s the size of foot ball player’s calf?  Yup, that’s zucchini for you. Impressive in size and its growing stamina.


I have walked by farmer market stand which has proudly displayed a small bookshelf -sized zucchini for $1.50 and been tempted to buy it just for the sheer price to portion ratio. You almost MAKE money by eating a large zucchini.  I thought I could handle grilled zucchini thinking the magic of the grill must impart flavor that masks the tepid zucchini-ness but no. Even zucchini on one of those sheek shish ke·babs sticks doesn’t make my disgust wane.  And throw on a yellow squash there, my heart sinks even further.  Oh, the feeble yellow squash.  This is essentially a yellow zucchini.  These two live in the same family of ickiness. I have no issue shit talking them, but they are the only ones  I swear.  I don’t want to hurt the feelings of other loved ones in the vegetable world – they are my friends and I am grateful for them but please, take my zucchini, enjoy my medley, remove that beast of a veggie from my garden so I don’t have to use it as a mallet in croquet.  

3 comments: